2014

IT'S NEW YEARS BABY.

Finally, the clock has struck past 12. It is officially a new year and I gotta say, I'm feeling pretty damn optimistic!

Thank you God, for giving me all I have to be thankful for.

Now.

My first good deed of 2014; Give you the thing you deserve.

8 more days till you receive it.

I'll make a countdown of this on twitter.

Lastly,

Let's see how much trouble I can get into in 12 months...

Domino Effect

It's when one domino falls, and all the others follow suit.
When one disaster occurs, a dozen more comes right up behind it.

I'm not saying it's a thing.

But it makes sense.

Btw, why am I publishing so many blog posts recently? Drawing close to the end of the year can do things to a person. Like make them socially inadequate.

Sad life you live in.

Say Something, I'm Giving Up On You.

I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

I'm addicted to the song. Rather painfully, I might say. It's stuck in my head every minute of every day. And it hurts because the message the song has is heartbreaking in a universal way. Anyone can understand what it means. Everyone has gone through it before. Having to leave that one person you love. Or having to move on from the person you thought loved you. 

Haven't had a proper meal today. I feel weak and fat. Sad cases everywhere. 

Also, it's New Years Eve. 

The magic has subsided. I no longer feel ecstatic at the thought of starting a new year. 

Honestly. 

Wonder if I could steal a zebra from the zoo. 

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.

Talking To Myself

I don't know, I'm just really confused at this point.

My life has all but been clear. I know part of who I am; Flare Blitz, Kye Tamm, someone who wants to make a difference, someone who isn't like the rest of em. But the other half of me? The other part, which I'm supposed to find?

I'm lost. I can't see it at all.

I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do here.

2014 is coming. Maybe that's why I'm thinking so much about this. Maybe that's why I feel the need to write this all down.

I don't want it to be just another year again. 2013 has been eventful for me. Lots of changes, lots of heartbreaks, lots of awareness's. But I couldn't even figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life, where I'm supposed to go and who I'm supposed to trust. After all, I can't do this alone. Being away from the people you surround yourself with for two months can help you clarify who's worth keeping and who's better off a stranger to you.

If they make time for you, continue to tell you things, even if they've told it to you a thousand times before, you can tell they care for you. They want to continue to be in your life. Accept that.

But those who feel as if they're losing time for you, those who claim to not be free for you, they're pushing you away.

You're pushing me away, bro.

After three years of being Ted and Barney, what the hell are you doing?

If you're reading this, just know that I'm not trying to offend you or anything. I just want you to know that that's the vibe I've been getting from you. You're never there for me, man. And now that you're moving, I can almost feel the line our friendships' been threading on snapping.

I guess there are people you should let go of.

Great. Now I need a new wingman.

I'm making a big shift for 2014. Moving to Saipan will be the big change for me. It'll be a complete transformation. I don't know if I'll be ready for that. I know I'm not now. I'm terrified. But then again, I've always been terrified of change. Maybe that's why my heart's so determined on going. I need to push myself out of my own comfort zone.

C'mon, Kye. Live a little.

You can't stay in Malaysia forever, that's for sure.

A few more things I have to write about. Love, of course, being the most obvious and gayest topic of all.

What the hell am I really? I claim to be a hopeless romantic, to be able to treat my future someone with as much love and care as a person like me can muster. But it's only been two months and suddenly I'm already over the girl I thought I was in love with. My best friend, who I claimed was my most serious crush since Apple. I see her now, and I feel absolutely nothing.

I'm hollow. Damaged goods. Who the fuck can fix someone like me up?

I don't know anymore. I've been talking to myself, talking to the dark, trying to clear the shit up in my head before the clock strikes twelve on the last day of 2013, but I'm starting to think it's hopeless. There's so much shit clustered up in there. So much doubt. Insecurities. False hope.

I'm still young.

Still blossoming.

Still searching.

But I'll always feel like a shadow. In all honesty I could be okay with that.

As long as the light that's opposing me can make me feel as bright as she is.

Strange.

If only superpowers really did exist.

What If

Don't get caught up in life by so many What If's.

I like her. I really like her. To the point where I dream of us together (in a super intimate way) before I even realized the extent of how much I liked her.

My life is constant evergoing battle of good and evil.

I'm not going to confess. It just... doesn't seem right, at this moment. I'll let things be.

What If we end up together?

I think I can love her forever.

Birth

Where do I begin?

Honestly, it's a weird feeling. I can't even explain it myself.

Today's my birthday! The 9th of December, the day I was brought to this world, the day a crazed lunatic was given birth to. I like my life. Heck, I love it. I'm much more fortunate than others, and I'm grateful for that. Truly, truly grateful. However, my life isn't all that perfect. I'm fighting with demons and inner wounds here, and I'm not sure I can shake em off.

My friends...

Do I even call them that?

The friends I have here are hard to understand. Or, at least, one group is. Sometimes I feel comfortable with them, I feel like maybe I could be apart of their group. Other times, I feel like an outsider. Like a stranger looking in. Like some weirdo, wanting too desperately to be called a friend. To be trusted, to be liked, to be accepted.

But isn't that what teenage society's like these days? Wanting acceptance? Wanting love and trust? Wanting something more than just innocent smiles and controversial physical contact?

I have other friends, maybe. But I find it hard to converse with them.

What am I saying... I'm going off topic.

Today's my birthday. I had a party tonight.

Not so much a party, as more to a dinner. A lovely dinner, with lovely people. It was tame. It was nice.

But I miss my friends in kk. The people I can be my absolute self with, and they won't judge. The people who're easy to get along with, and easy to understand. My friends, in kk, who never get to celebrate my birthday with me because I'm always gone, or they're always gone.

Why is it like that? There has to be meaning in it.

Sometimes I get the feeling they're all pretending.

I feel as if they, my friends here, all don't like me inside. They use me. As an excuse. As a reason. As an advantage. They use me, and pretend to like me, and in the end, leave me broken and busted in the corner like an old used toy. I hate thinking that way. The pessimism will rot my brain. But I can't help it. I've gone through it before, and I can't help but feel I'm going through it again.

I have three more hours until my birthday ends. Until the day will become just another ordinary day once again, and I mean almost nothing to the people around me. To them, I'm expendable. Bring in another cool Malaysian who can draw, sing, and write. One who's prettier. One who's better at conversations.

They'll forget about me in no time.

It's a downwards way of thinking. I know that.

The thought of her helps. It's not serious. Not really, I think. But this is the first time that someone's made my ear hot for a whole night just by sitting close to me. When she was there, I thought I could handle myself well. And I did. We made light conversation that mostly resulted to laughter, and I was controlled. Except my ear blasted out in heat. It was annoying, sure.

But honestly, it made it easier to decide.

I didn't wish for her when I blew out my birthday candles. I wished for someone who'd love me the same way I'd love them. I wished for someone, anyone, who will make me feel that way again. I blew out all candles at the same time. That gave me hope, as if somehow God was telling me that wish will come true.

But how selfish of me, to think that way.

People are starving out there, suffering from actual wounds, battling the urge to give up and die. They have no home, and those who have been hit by the typhoon lost their family and friends.

Who am I to wish for such high demands?

I'm no one. I don't deserve that kind of treatment.

But if there was a chance, even just a small chance, that my birth meant something. That I'm here on this Earth for something bigger...

I just wish for this.

Give me love, and I will give you my soul.

Happy 15th Birthday, Kye.

I Deleted That Last Post

Just cause it was too dramatic. And it didn't really had sense to it.

I am officially in Saipan. It's been about two weeks now, and I can't say I haven't been enjoying myself. This is a good place with warm people. With good sports. And tennis. Lots and lots of tennis. You get a tan even when you don't want to. And not necessarily the good tan either.

Sometimes it's a sock tan. Bring death to sock tans!

I think I can say now... I want to move here. To live here. With TanTon and Aunt Lydia and all my Saipanese friends. I'm starting to make them. Friends, I mean. Growing up, I'm aware of my troubles with making friends. I'm too awkward, they're too awkward. I try to make jokes, they don't laugh. Y U NO LAUGH. Sometimes people can be so mean, truly.

Life has a nice ring to it here. Plus I get exercise. I lose weight. I get fit. It's a good place. Healthy and nice. With hot suns, but warm breezes. Yes, there is more than one sun here. It's a magical world we live in.

Classes are good too. Of course, I can't really grasp the concepts of em' yet. Almost all the students know about the countries around the world except me, and I flunk horribly at Geometry and Biology. But I think with a little tutoring and some extra time to my studies, I can get it done. English, I'd do alright. PE, I'd do alright. AR, I'd do alright. Life could be good.

Life could be free.

Also, I found my kin. Apparently there's a girl here who shares my orientation.

It could be a real turn around to come here.

I'm willing to make that shift.

Also Aunty Lydia cheats in zitchdog.

Out Of All These Thigs I've Done,

I think I love you better now.

I made four new songs recently. Two being for an ex. Exgirlfriend and exbestfriend. The other two being for my most recent crush.

I like the ones I made for my ex.

I hate her. My ex.

But the songs I make for her are always nice.

It's weird.

Tonsiladisaurus

I don't know what you call it.

Tonsillitis? Tonsiladisaurus sounds better.

But anyways. I hate being sick. It's an excuse to skip school. But thinking about it now, no matter how boring school gets or how much I complain, there really is nothing to do at home. Specially' since I'm an only child now (practically)

I haven't written on this blog for a while.

Got caught up in the posts in my head.

How to speak. How to start. What to say?

My throat hurts. My neck aches. My back... Well, in conclusion I feel like an old woman, really. Which is completely unfair because I'm at an age where I'm supposed to feel like I'm superwoman. Or something.. along those lines.

Been playing games again. Battlefield 3 being the most recent. I just felt like exploring the first-person shooter world. I'm not very good. But I have my own specialties.

Been digging up on Dragon Age: Inquisition. So far, the game looks pretty darn amazing. Lest' they decide to mess up again like they did in dA2. Don't rush into the game. They took that into account. It's coming out Fall next year. What I don't get is, how all the fans complain about the second game being released too early, yet when they learn dA Inquisition is only coming out next year, they say (and I quote): "Why do we have to wait so long?! :("

Because, bitch, you asked for it.

A game takes time. A brilliant game takes even more. You want a good game, calm your titties because Bioware's giving you one.

Anyways, I should go now.

Tonsiladisaurus is hungry. But it hurts to swallow.

Strange world we live in.

Still Into You

If anyone of you know me well enough, you'd know that I'm quite active as a youtuber.

Alright, 'active' wouldn't exactly be the most appropriate word...

I upload covers frequently. Every month, preferably. Recently, I've kinda been dormant. But that's only because my brother and I have been busy, never really finding time to record properly. I did record something- A song by Paramore.

Still Into You.

It turned out nice, so I decided, that instead of an average video of me singing, I should DRAW OUT my cover.

I tried this out. Took me 2 weeks. But the end result was quite satisfactory.

I have plenty more.

Apparently I drew 53 files.

Most digital drawings I've done. Ever.





Look out for my upcoming video on youtube! @KyeTamm

Moments

Cause I am in no way a hardcore 1D fan, but I must say I really like some of their songs. Those of including Moments and Little Things. Both written by the ever so amazing and awesome Ed Sheeran <3

 Last First Kiss and They Don't Know About Us ain't bad either~

Anyways, I'm gonna have a sugar overload from Rose and Rosie's latest video. I swear, it's absolutely adorable it kills. Geez. I'm gonna- Geez.

Here's the link, just in case any of you are interested: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXmEpE2QTLA

Swift warning, that video contains much heated girl on girl action. But it's subtle. Okay, no, not really. It's cute. And kinky. And cute. Ah crud.

So I updated my 'diary' yesterday and today. Haven't written anything since January. Damn, I get so lazy. But I decided to use my diary for private things, and my blog for littler and public updates. Not that y'all mind.

.. Not that y'all read.

Anyways, PMR Mock 1 starts tomorrow. The joy! I feel so great. Just so great. No I don't. I don't like Mocks. Hell, I don't like anything with an 'ex' in it (ex's, exams, expelled, explain, explanation, exclaim, extravagant, exBIRDPOOP) Nah. I'm actually fine with exbirdpoop.

 Um, I don't know what else to say.

Storms are coming. I like it. It's cold, and wet, and beautiful.

The hybrids are coming. They need this weather to moisturize. Else they'll be wrinkly and dry like an elephant.

Not a pleasant sight.

Let Em' Wonder How We Got This Far

There are no words. Just thoughts. Heavy thoughts. Weighing down on me like a storm.

I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe I'm just deprived of romance animes.

So I've been watching animes that include Kuroko No Basket (Finished), Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Come wa Machigatteiru (Waiting for latest episode), The World God Only Knows (Finished), Lovely Complex (Watching), and Amagami SS (Downloading)

Besides that, nothing much's been happening lately. Normal teenage stress. Back in tuition.

Oh, I love my school play's cast :) They make me feel happy. Yes, happy.

I wanna watch Pacific Rim. I wanna watch Lone Ranger. And I wanna watch The Wolverine.

Um.. Yeah..

Don't know what else to say.

Everything (Everything) Will Be Just Fine

I wanna start watching anime again. That would really help me with my mangas and stuff. Unfortunately, my internet connection doesn't agree with me. It's going all lag and disconnect on ma ass like there's no tomorrow.

Well, on the plus side I've managed to download two movies in the past week! That's an accomplishment!

Leaving for my school Sejarah trip tomorrow. It's gonna be a blast! If you brush aside the facts that I'm leaving for Kudat in a 3 hour bus ride, sleeping in an old-fashioned, not-air-conditioned (not even fan), bug-ridden longhouse, bathing in a brown-stained toilet with bugs and shnuff, and being in that camp knowing the person I like is NOT going to make any move any time soon because this person doesn't return my feelings, the camp's gonna be good.

But all those points up there, y'know, they're the downers.

I've managed to get this far. There's no point in wallowing just cause life doesn't always go your way.

I have a few simple words to live by now- "My life is simple. I'm breathing, I'm good, I'm alive."

 That's the only truth Imma need from now on. Shit's gonna get rough, that's certain. And of course I'm gonna have fallouts, I'm gonna cry my eyes out at some silly argument or fight, and someday I'm gonna get so heartbroken to the point of suicidal,

But I know who I am. Partly, at least.

I'm Kye Tamm. I'm Flare Blitz. I'm me, and no one can make me feel different for myself. I love being me. My life is good. I'm not gonna end it just cause a few things happen to be dark.

I'm gonna take those bad things and that darkness, and turn it into motivation to go forward. I'm gonna release that anger and sorrow, and turn myself into a better person. Slowly, you know? It ain't gonna be easy, that's for sure. But it ain't an impossibility either.

Besides that, I'm up to Chapter 11 in the Trinity. Got a bit of a writer's block right now. And a singer's block (hahaha) but my drawing's still up and good! Things are going great, and I'm lovin' it.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine.
Everything (everything) will be alright.

OKAY.

Because witty lines are hard to come up with.

I watched Monsters University a few nights ago. It was funny! And I feel kinda bad for MIKE WAZOWSKI. But I ain't spoilin anything.

Besides that, I've been going on Omegle recently...

Not for any specific reason.

I just.. wanna make friends.

ESPECIALLY AFTER READIN A SPECIFIC BOOK.

"You@Me.com" by KE Payne.

Holy hot damn, I just bought it today and I'm nearly done. It's, well, yuri. About a girl named Immy who meets someone online and falls in love with them.

Shiet, reminds me of some things.

It's a good book and I'm completely hooked by it!

But, yeah, I just.. wanna meet people. From different sides of the world. I guess. I dunno. Maybe iz just me.

After all iz not everyday you get to meet someone, fall magically in love, and have that happy ever after everyone dreams of.

Then again, I have ice cream in the fridge.... Seems like a good happy ending to me.

Haze

The haze coming in from Indonesia is crazy. 

Schools in Kuala Lumpur are closed because of it. We have to leave the house wearing masks and stuff. It's like the start of a zombie epidemic. Creepy as hell. 

At the same time cool. 

Make fun of the situation. Soon everyone will be sporting red mouths and dry skin, and cannibalism will be a new all-time thing.  

But meh. 

Hope haze can close down my school. 

Else' zombie epidemic attack us all.

Sam Tsui's Album "Make It Up"

Is actually pretty damn good.

I love four songs especially; Shadow, Me Without You, Don't Want An Ending (cover), and Bring Me The Night (ft. Kina Grannis <3).

I listen to that repeatedly. Maybe it's also cause no other recent songs have appealed to me as much.

Damn it, Taylor. When's your next album coming out, huh?! A girl needs her Swift-Love man.

But moving on from that, I suppose I owe everyone an explanation on my absence. Honest to god I didn't think I wouldn't be updating for that long. But then again it wasn't that long anyways. And no one really reads my blog so...

I'M INNOCENT.

My exam marks are horrible. They're just-- Just horrible. I think they're my worst yet. I don't even think I'm gonna pass my average. It's horrible. Sigh. Mum's picking my report card up on Saturday. God, I hope she doesn't show dad. It would be terrible if she does. Say bye-bye to new computer, laptop and phone! Okay, I ask for too many things. Just computer.

Then again, I need a portable device to type my stories in... And I don't use my bb for anything besides writing down stories. But that's probs because I don't buy credit for it.

Besides that, I failed at buying a punching bag. Firstly because I assumed it was only 50 bucks. Turns out I was wrong. The best one (large, heavy and perfect for my epic wolverine claws) is at its LOWEST PRICE RM499.

Not bad. But I still don't have the cash for that yet. I will soon. I hope.

Leaving for KL tomorrow to see my cousin TanTon Tan. Can't wait! I really miss her. She's like that lil sister of mine that I never had. She's 12 this year, I think. Haha. I used to carry her on my back, and be all like "Yeah foo Imma strong like Hulk."

Now I'm lucky if I can survive her glomping me. She's not big. She's just tall. Not as tall as me, but soon. It's ... not fair.

Just... Not fair.

Oh my god,

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god.

What in hell's name just happened?

The latest episode of Game of Thrones has me in a complete twirl. I can't even-- I can't even comprehend it. Shit. I just--

I love Game of Thrones. I do. It keeps me interested. Keeps me entertained. Keeps my emotions brewing.

But goddamnit, they're rewriting everything I -and most of the public- know about general television shows! First of all, GTS don't go killing off their main characters. Especially not more than 3 main characters, but hell they did! I can't even begin to explain my emotions. It's like a rushing hurricane! The stress, the drama, the deaths, the betrayal- Oh good god, this is insane.

On the plus side, I commented on episode 10's premier video and my comment was one of the top comments! Hey sue me if I've never been on the top comments and want to bask in the glory...

But I'll get to that.

Yes, Game of Thrones has me in a complete mess. I want to go into further detail but I don't want to spoiler it, in case a passerby sees this and goes all FLAME-WARS on me.

Fark. I just hope nothing happens to ma Arya <3 Ha. Ha. Ha.

Man, I love her. Her witty comebacks and bravo confidence is just so hard to dislike. Her bravery is respectable as well. Hard to see girls like that. And I'm glad there's a character who represents females in that manner.

But yes, on to the fact that my comment was made one of the top comments!

can you blame me for loving the limelight?

btw, for those of you who can't see, I said "I love Game of Thrones, I really do. but damn I hate Game of Thrones."

The Holiday

I can feel it coming to a tight close.

I still have one more week left. Today, being Sunday, is the last day of the first week of freedom. After the upcoming Sunday, I'm back to the chains of school.

I probably wouldn't have any trouble with school if everything was in English, or if the teachers were any good at educating. But seriously, I probably chose one of the worst possible schools to attend. For that, I apologize to myself.

BUT, thankfully, even though I might not be going to Melbourne next year, I'll still be able to transfer schools.

Well, imma gon enjoy the holiday while it lasts. Still got a few things I need to do though. Like write at LEAST 2 more chapters in the Trinity. I'm up to chapter 10, but to prove to my friends I won't quit on this, I need at least 12 chapters. I'm not gonna stop writing the Trinity. It's the only book I can see published out there. It's THE book that'll kickstart my 'career'. Ha. ha. ha. Being optimistic here, okay?

Sisterhood Cross <3

Finally Grew The Balls To Talk To Him

And he's surprisingly really friendly.

Didn't expect that. Now I can't tell if he feels the same or not. Nah, he doesn't.

But anyways, just got back from Keningau! Good trip. Was able to test out a real punching bag. Although I didn't wear my hand bandages so I ended up bruising my knuckles but it was nothing serious at all. Just a little red, then it faded off.

Gonna buy one soon. Boo-yah!

I'm so bored of Mass Effect, it's not even... Like, I can't even... My goodness.

Played each game (ME1, ME2, ME3) at least 4 times. Mass Effect 2 I think I've played that the most. More than 7 times. I swear. I'm not even kidding. Both on Computer and xBox. After all, that's the first Mass Effect game I've ever played. Mass Effect 3? Played it about 5 times.

Oh hells, I can predict everything, I can't even play it anymore. I'm just like, faaark.

Awaiting Dragon Age 3.

Oh Dragon Age 3.

I'll stick to re-building my Sims 2 neighborhood, the one I lost. I can't start anew. I've worked too far to quit on it now.

:)

Teenage Hormones.

Don't you agree that they suck?

Because let's face it, those are the little critters that cause us to feel attracted to people who apparently aren't equally as attracted to us.

In short: We like people who don't like us.

Insert sad face here.

Relationships are a waste of time at this age. I get that, I do. But after what I've experienced, after the countless movies and series I've watched, and after the books I've read and written, I don't know, I guess my knowledge on romance needs a test subject. In theory, of course. I want to prove to someone that goddamn it I could be a pretty good girlfriend.

Cause I'm just awesome that way.

No, actually I'm just gay that way. Ha. Ha. Ha. But moving on from that, I have to start up my Cyahazard Comics. They're the first step to the actual creation of Cyahazard. It's awesome, really. As soon as I learn how to draw anatomy thoroughly. Maybe I can go for classes. Or at least, get a 'model' so I can get a live anatomy figure. Hope so. Either way, I'm determined to live my way with meaning.

Hidup yang berfaedah.

I'm tired of caring about relationships. I'm gon' be Flare Blitz with meaning man. 

Cyahazard Superheroes

Because I am SOOO hooked on Marvel Superheroes right now it's not even sane anymore.

Not just Marvel even. Just Superheroes in general. Spiderman, Iron Man, Hulk, Avengers, Thor, Justice League, Green Lantern, Captain America, so on, so on.

I LOVE EM ALL.

Because of that, Cyahazard has expanded to building comic book superheroes.

Those of including Flare Blitz, The Tie/White Tie, REBEL, Greybreed, The Silver Agent, Sisterhood Cross, The Commander, Tigerboy, Ice Blue, Boy-Beast, so on, so on.

Scream hells yeah to awesomeness!

I'm Pretty Damn Sad..

Cause my Sims 2 file is corrupted.

I downloaded Sims 2 Pets. Played for a while. Decided I didn't like it, and uninstalled it.

Problem was, I didn't back my previous saved files up. So I ended up uninstalling Sims 2 Pets, along with my whole neighborhood.

It deleted everything.

... Eight months spent building that neighborhood, making babies, creating new characters and expanding family trees- All for nothing. Now it's all gone.

DAMNIT KYE BACK SHIT UP NEXT TIME.

Sigh.

I yearn for a punching bag.

Changed My Blog Template!

And look, it's so pretty now! With dragons and that whole "Houston, we have a problem." thing.

Hell yeah you do.

Anyways, I should explain how it went during camp. It went surprisingly well. I mean, I expected something to go wrong or rather. And it did, kinda. It was so hot. Even at night. We ended up not using our tents at all and sleeping in the office instead with air-conditioner.

I guess as the 21st Century kids we can never be primitive. We're too sophisticated for that.

Plus, I watched Life of Pi again with Evelyn and Siska!

All in all, it went pretty good. Oh, and Evelyn, Kat, Kenneith, Aiden and I did a mash-up song.

Thrift Shop + Battle Scars.

It sounded.. EPIC. Gonna record and post it up soon, hopefully.

Besides that, I just posted my new cover of Heart Attack on youtube! Please check it out if you have the time! :)

So that's that.

I have a camp tomorrow!

In school. We're staying over :p It's a school thing so we're not doing it illegally or anything. We have teacher-chaperones and everything! Food and accommodation is provided! But you have to bring your own tent and toiletries and shit.

The down side to it is that we have to bathe in school. How primitive. Hahaha, well it's true considering there are only two shower stalls in school and according to my friend, brown liquid poured out of it at one point.

Not exactly a pleasing thought.

I hope our teacher allows us to go to a friend's house to shower. I mean, the water is filthy in school and more than 27 girls have to bathe so how are we all gonna fit in those two stalls! Impractical, I say!

But yeah, good side is that most of my close friends are going (Evelyn, Hannah, Michelle, umm.. me. Yeah. I'm my own friend. Shuddup.) so we get to do campfires and shit. Hannah wants me to download ghost movies.

Hahahaha no way in hell am I doing that!

Well, yeah. That's it so far.

Oh, btw. Note to self: Stop assuming. Even if other people point it out don't make it necessarily true. When you find out it isn't true, everything comes tumbling down like hard bricks. It sucks. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Note to self number 2: I know you like staying in a crush-frenzy for a long time (it makes you feel better about yourself) but this guy ain't worth it. Sides, what happened to 'liking the relationship (I) have with ME and Sim characters?'

You pathetic fool. Although now that I think about it, I'm not sure which one of those makes you pathetic.

I don't know,

I mean, you're the one who turned me but hot baby damn, you were kind of a grinch to me last time. Or maybe I was a grinch to you. Can't be too sure.

Old blogs. Memories. Man, they all just came back in a flash. It was pretty vivid too. Didn't quite expect me to remember shit like that... I think a quarter of my memories from Lok Yuk returned.

I miss it. I do.

I was young, naive, skinny and pretty back then.

Now?

... Well no comment :3

I am constantly bothered by my physique.

I've accepted I'll never be Megan Fox, or Amber Heard, or even Miley Cyrus!

But everytime I try to lose weight it never works.

I'm completely bothered. Sometimes it comes to the point of self-abuse and I can't stop it. Something's wrong with me.

I've known it since I was born.

Friday

And it's killing me that I have nothing to do.

I need to occupy myself. Or I get sleepy. Or cranky and hungry. It's not a pleasant feeling. I don't envy those who feel it at all.

I can't write. For some reason my mind has shut down in a momentary paralysis. Words are running through but forming almost mutatedly.

I can't sing. Can't draw. Can't game. Need to do something.

Don't know what to do.

I feel like there's a bug in my head. All paths are blocked. And I'm stuck.

Corrections All Day

Cause forgive me but I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to English.

Just Visited My Friend In the Hospital.

Ah damn, there's just something about you. So stupid..

I mean, no matter what you do, how bad it gets and how far you go with another person, I just can't quite stay mad at you. Not for long, anyways. I'll be hurt, sure, but I can't picture my future without you.

And I don't know if that's a platonic friend thing, or if I'm seriously crushing over you AGAIN. But I don't want it to be the latter cause I can picture myself with other hotter and nicer people who'll treat me as an equal, but somehow as long as I'm still on the market, I feel like there's some lingering chance from our last encounter that makes the situation awkward.

One-sided, more like it.

Anyways, dinner was lovely :) We had oxtail. Spicy oxtail. Tasted DE-LISH. And though I shudder at spice, I took it surprisingly well. Way to go, spicy taste buds! You're making mama proud!

... Okay that was just weird.

Lost 300 bucks.

And my original $700 secret cache has gone down to a hundred and twenty.

A HUNDRED AND TWENTY.

I'm broke. whaddafudge?!

Hahaha oh whatever. I bought those things and I don't regret it! >:)

... I wonder if there are job openings in the mall.

Get Well Soon Gifts

Because it's customary to bring food for a sick friend or relative if you visit them right? It's common sense.

Says the gay little boy with the hugest crush on the sick popular girl.

But anyways, not the point.

So a friend of mine is currently in the hospital. Apparently she fainted :O Oh dear.

I tried to visit her. But right when I came, she was having a 'scan'. Like a cat scan. Doctors nowadays. They wanna see if there are cats inside a person, pff idiots.

But yeah, so she asked me to visit her tonight. Don't know if I can but I'll try :)

My parents are inviting a few close family friends over tonight for a lovely dinner, and I'm not sure if I can wiggle out of it. I'm bad of wiggling.

It's almost as bad as my exercising.

It's not cool

But I still think of you. :\

... dying.

and being eaten by bears.

and sharks.

and lizards.

and your remains being swallowed by a snake.

Just sayin'.

ORDERED.

So get this, after my rant on Mass Effect's terrible casual clothing, I looked it up, and somehow found myself on a Bioware merchandise website.

They had cool stuff :p The N7 hoodie, a few epic looking shirts, and guess what? I actually ordered one.

So yeah, there's my purchase! It's a cool white V-Neck shirt that says 'We'll Bang, Ok?' in the front.

HAHA. Classic MaleShep. Sigh. I love Mass Effect.

ANYWHO. Yeah, that's about it :) Awaiting the arrival of the epic shirt!

No fashion sense, much?

Cause that's the only thing that runs through my mind when I play Mass Effect 2. Considering I've played that game a million times, I don't really concentrate on either the gameplay or the story anymore. But the clothing always catches my attention!

And not in a good way too! Yeesh!

Aight, I mean, the armors are all cool! But it's the casual dresses and outfits poeple where that just makes me wonder... Is the future seriously like this? They don't even show any skin anymore!

Say goodbye to hot sleeveless singlets that guys wear on a hot day. Say sayanora to those miniskirts and tank tops that girls put on to make a day even hotter.

It's horribleh!

Plus, you don't even get any decent outfit choices to pick from. My manShep looks like a gigolo because of that! I mean, Bioware, seriously? What happened to our casual T-shirts? Jeans? Sneakers that screech? I miss em' good clothing! It's the only thing that bothers me about the game. Well, kinda.

AND NOT JUST IN MASS EFFECT BUT THE CLOTHING IN DRAGON AGE? OH DON'T GET ME STARTED.

Bioware, open your eyes.

I know not all the fans agree with me. Considering this game is an action RPG. But still, some of us want to see some good fashion. And mind you, I am NOOO fashionista. I wear casual shit everyday even to formal events!

But I still want to see some hot clothing!

Because I have WAY too many blogs.

And I seriously cannot keep up. For some reason, I just enjoy creating new ones and starting from scratch. Which is an oddity considering the fact that I don't much enjoy picking out templates and shit.

Hehe, anyways, my brother advised me to create a Tumblr account, and I probably will someday. But I just want a blog for more private and intimate stuff :p Just cause I'm a loser like that. HA HA HA.

But yeah.

So I read through a few posts from my oooold blog back when I was Form 1.

Bloody hell. I was a HUGE DICK back then. Like, no kidding! xD

A huge dick, a huge cheeseball, a huge douche! I don't know. Name it all! But I have to admit, I had it pretty good then. For one, my friends didn't pelt me with insults everyday like they do now :p Although I should be thankful for that. They're prepping me for the real world. Or so I tell myself.

Anyways, yeah I was a huge retard xD If I could go back in time and slap myself, I would! I'd tell myself to grow up too cause boy was I immature. But I guess at one point everyone was, right? :)

I thought losing my 'partner' was the end of the world at that time. Sigh. Way ta seem 'mature', Kye. :p

Oh well, times changed. I'm a new person. I think. I hope I am. I don't wanna be that kid again. I mean, reading through it... I was seriously distraught.

I remind myself of those really annoyingly depressed kids who are spoiled and bratty and snobbish. Dang Kye, just dang!

But I'm good now :D Drawing and reading and writing and singing! All is EPIC. Plus, I'm gaming! Things are going GREAT.