Shaking

"The want for insanity is insanity.

In that aspect, I am very much insane."

Many words. How to voice them out.

I haven't written for a while. Which is a good sign. That means the venom has been rooted. That means the corruption has disappeared. At least for a moment. But my mind will never be free of its corruption. My heart will never be cleansed of its immorality.

How to start, what to say -

If she is the source, the root, of my insanity, shouldn't I, then, stay away from her? From the cause of my own destruction.

I assumed she was different. That I was alright with being a pawn in her life. That I could stand being her shadow if it meant I could be HER shadow. It seems I was mistaken. Mei isn't any more special than anybody else I've taken an interest to. She doesn't care for me anymore than I do. She loves only her boyfriend. The boy who stole her heart.

And has refused to give it back.

I am not one to judge. We all know that I am no saint. We all know of my devious vice and decadence. We all know of my insanity. But I have come to believe that confessing will help me relieve this pent up frustration. It will help me find some closure. Or, maybe, though unlikely, it will lead her right into my arms.

Reality isn't like that.

I will not confess.

Not while this insanity still runs in my veins. Not while this memory of her own disinterest burns itself into my heart.

I simply cannot love somebody

Who doesn't understand why I am corrupted. How I am corrupted.




I don't understand it myself. And that goes to be said. I simply cannot love somebody until I sate my taint. Until I destroy my own demons.

I will never be with anybody.

I am alone.